Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
