I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
