Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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