shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
