i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
