The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Randomize
