I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
