At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
