HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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