do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
