new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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