I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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