Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
