Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
