just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
