Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
