I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
