you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
