You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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