Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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