I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
