But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
