Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
please don't ironically join a cult
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