And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
