Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
