i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
