I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
