After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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