New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
