You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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