He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We need to get me chipped asap
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
