Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
