i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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