is your mom at the bar?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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