dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
