There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
