Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
