He uses pillows to masturbate.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
