3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
