Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
