I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
