bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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