Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
