I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
