if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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