wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
