best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
