I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
