We're facebook friends in real life
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
