know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
