I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
