First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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